do you feel unlucky

 I remember a quote from an short interview conducted by errol morris

Q. 'do you feel unlucky?'

A. ' one thing in regards to luck that makes me nervous is I see many more pennies laying face down then face up, beyond what you would expect from normal statistical variation'.

I replay events in my mind to bring the painful details over and over into sharp relief. The horror and the extremity is the point. I make myself suffer to remind myself what is real and meaningful.

'why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop'